Caving to my Demons

In my last post I said "I'm now at a point where swimming feels really good and my swim confidence is at an all time high...if I have a poor swim at Sunday's tri I'll be very disappointed." Well, I am disappointed. I had some concern going in, mainly with wondering how I'd handle the water temperature. Last year I freaked when I put my face in the cold water and had an awful swim. I did well at my OWS practice so I thought I'd be OK, but this was still sitting there in the back of my mind. I was also concerned with forecast of high winds that could kick up swells on the lake. The winds ended up being quite mild and the lake was calm and the water temperature was a "balmy" 69 degrees and was not a factor. Still, I had a poor swim. So, what happened? I don't exactly know, but I just couldn't relax and kept feeling like I simply could not keep the effort up. I swam decently on the out leg but after making the first turn I gave in to my demons and started doing side stroke. I tried switching back to free style a few times but kept giving it up and going back to side stroke. When I made the second turn and was heading back towards shore I forced myself to stay with free style and finished up decently. Last year I did most of the swim side stroke, back stroke, and breast stroke, just trying to survive and get out of the water; the swim took 20 minutes for 750 meters. My goal this year was to do freestyle the whole way and to cut the swim time to around 16 minutes. My official time was 15:10. I should be ecstatic...but I'm not. Sure, I beat my time goal but I failed in my other goal, to give my best effort. I should probably cut myself some slack and go woohoo over my time improvement but I was hoping for something more. I've lost some of my confidence. Give me some time for the disappointment to fade and I'll be fine but right now they are my wounds and I want to lick them a while more.

Go Confidently

I just discovered the blog of professional triathlete Elizabeth Waterstraat. Her post about Facebook groups is quite amusing, but her post Confidence Is Not A Naughty Word is brilliant! Her main point is that the mind sets us up for success or failure and the way to be successful is to think about being successful. All the hard work, all the training will leave us short of our goals if race day comes and you start telling yourself that you can't do it, you're not ready, you shouldn't be there, etc.

I'm not a gifted athlete but I trust in myself and I trust that my training will have me ready for the race. I set goals, ones that will push me hard but that are realistic, and then go for it. Sometimes I make it and sometimes I don't but if I've given it my best then I was successful. At Saturday's 5K I felt that I could do a 9 min/mile pace and figured this would give me a good shot at a top 3 place in my age group. I managed to run an 8:38 pace but ended up more than :30 off the podium. The effort was a personal best and was a huge success for me, even without placing where I thought I might.

I have my first tri of the season coming up in two weeks. Biking has always been my strongest event so I always figure that it will go well. In the past the swim was about nothing more than survival and the run was about using up whatever I have left to give. This year I am feeling so much more confident with my swimming that my focus will be on going at it with a great effort; no more mere survival. The main variable with this first race will be the water temperature. Last year the water temperature was in the low 60's for this race and it took my breathe away as soon as my face hit the water; my swim fell apart and I ended up doing a lot of side stroke and other survival swimming. This year my goal is to hold it together, free style the whole thing, and do a 2min/100m pace. Sure, I may miss these goals but if the effort is there it will be a success regardless. I am a shark among minnows!